On the day of his wedding to the successful lawyer Lauren, Richard Lubix is still haunted by thoughts of his former love, Karin, the woman he never truly got over. Although he seems to have it all – a career, money, and the “ideal” partner – inside he is broken and lost. His story is the harsh truth of how false images of perfection can distance us from what we truly desire.

“Today I will marry another woman, though it should have been you standing in her place. I keep telling myself I’ve gotten over you, and I’ve been saying that for years, ever since the last time I touched your face and heard your voice.”
These are the words echoing in the mind of Richard Lubix, a handsome, muscular, dark-haired 39-year-old economist working for a major English corporation, just hours away from marrying the prominent councilwoman and lawyer, Lauren May.

The two had met three years earlier in a London pub where Lauren often went with friends on Friday evenings after work. That night, it was Richard’s first time in that pub, deliberately chosen because he wanted to get wasted without bumping into too many familiar faces. But his plans quickly changed. After a draining day at work, tired not only by responsibilities but also by constant thoughts of his ex-girlfriend Karin, a nurse at the local hospital, he downed four beers and smoked six cigarettes, something he’d been doing more and more lately. Convinced he might as well continue in that tone, he showered quickly and went looking for the nearest pub.

He felt ashamed for many reasons. Most of his friends were now settled down with partners, spending weekends on double dates or family gatherings. A few were still free, but weddings and children had become the “necessary evil” of the past few years. Richard also felt shame stumbling through the streets, trying not to trip or sway from the beer that hit him hard on an empty stomach, made worse by the chain -smoking. The shame went deeper, too – he had been avoiding the gym for weeks, lying to friends that he worked out at home while beer bottles and liquor had replaced dumbbells and weights. He no longer went out with friends, unable to pretend that everything was fine.

And so, that night, Richard found himself in a pub he had never entered before. By the time he arrived, he had sobered up slightly, just enough to carry on a conversation. Only a few minutes after he sat at the bar, Lauren approached him. Slender, with long legs and arms, a perfectly shaped body and sharp blonde hair tied back in a low, elegant ponytail… she leaned in from his right and asked him for a lighter. Richard handed it over, politely but without much interest, before turning back to his drink as You Did Something to Me played in the background. But Lauren smoked heavily that night, and her requests for a lighter kept bringing them back together.

After another beer drained too fast, Richard flinched as he looked at her again. Already drunk and aroused, Lauren flashed him a lustful smile. She, a wealthy 40-year-old lawyer, a control freak who had been single for years, longed not only for sex but also for marriage.

Their conversations that night were shallow, and the evening ended, as one might guess, with dirty, drunken sex. Both satisfied, they met again and again, each time drinking too much and ending in bed. Soon enough, under the weight of friends’ and family’s expectations, they fell into a relationship. Dates grew less drunken, sex more ordinary, even dull. But by then it was too late. Attractive, wealthy, and on the cusp of forty, they looked like the perfect couple—if only because that’s how others saw them.

Two years after that first night of drunken passion, they now stood at the threshold of marriage. For Lauren, a control freak, everything had fallen into place-career, money, and a partner who fit perfectly into her public image. But, as always, one side loves less. In this case, it was Richard. He respected Lauren, enjoyed pleasant moments with her, but never felt the thrill, the butterflies, the joy he once had with Karin. The thought of committing his life to a woman who stirred no passion in him unless he imagined someone else, or his ex, terrified him. Yet he was too much of a coward to change anything. Years of mourning had withered him, leaving him outwardly successful but inwardly a dead flower.

And Karin? She had long forgotten Richard. Three years had passed since their breakup after six years together. No one had ever called them the perfect couple. They simply belonged to ordinary surroundings where such labels weren’t given. Still, the love ended for many reasons. Frustrated by Richard’s ruthless drive for success, his habit of stepping over colleagues to climb higher, Karin’s love for him began to fade. Devoted to helping others, especially in intensive care where she worked, she could no longer sleep beside a man who tore others down to build himself up.

As time passed, she saw more of his flaws, tried to warn him, but he was too blinded by ambition – an ambition that now meant nothing to him. He didn’t realize what kind of woman he had beside him: calm, honest, hardworking, compassionate, and strikingly beautiful, with soft curves, lightly wavy light-brown hair, and round green eyes. Only after she left did Richard see what he had lost. He called her daily, sent messages, begged her to come back. Karin refused, telling him their love was over, and eventually stopped replying altogether.

It broke him. He changed, stopped climbing over others, but the relationship left a scar. He couldn’t forgive himself for being that man, never knowing that his behavior was only Karin’s excuse to leave. During their six years together, she had had three other lovers and by the time she left Richard, she was already involved with a doctor from her ward. Later, there would be more men. Always discreet, always polite, yet endlessly hungry for men, endlessly lustful. She had managed to shatter Richard’s heart for good, convincing him he was mourning something priceless, when in truth, it had been nothing like what he believed.

Croatian version (hrvatska verzija)

Na njezinom mjestu

Na dan svog vjenčanja s uspješnom odvjetnicom Lauren, Richard Lubix još uvijek razmišlja o bivšoj ljubavi Karin koju nikada nije prebolio. Iako se čini da ima sve: karijeru, novac i “idealnu” partnericu, iznutra je slomljen i izgubljen. Njegova priča je surova istina o tome kako nas lažne slike savršenstva mogu udaljiti od onoga što stvarno želimo.

„Danas ću oženiti drugu ženu, iako si na njezinom mjestu trebala biti ti. Sam sebi kažem da sam te prebolio i tako već godinama, otkako sam zadnji put dotaknuo tvoje lice i čuo tvoj glas“. Riječi su ovo koje odzvanjaju u glavi Richarda Lubixa, zgodnog, nabildanog, tamnoputog 39-godišnjeg ekonomista u jednoj velikoj engleskoj korporaciji, dok ga za nekoliko sati čeka vjenčanje s uglednom vijećnicom, inače odvjetnicom Lauren May.

Njih dvoje upoznali su se prije tri godine u jednom od londonskih pubova gdje je Lauren često zalazila s prijateljima petkom nakon posla. Richard je te večeri prvi put bio u pubu i baš namjerno u tom, što mu je i bio cilj s obzirom na to da se planirao “izuti iz cipela” od alkohola pa da ga vidi što manje poznatih ljudi. Međutim, njegovi su se planovi te večeri izjalovili. Nakon što je došao s posla, u kasno popodne, iscrpljen od obaveza, ali i stalnog razmišljanja o svojoj bivšoj djevojci Karin, medicinskoj sestri u lokalnoj bolnici, popio je četiri piva i zapalio šest cigareta, što čini sve češće u posljednje vrijeme, pa mu se učinilo da bi najbolje bilo nastaviti u takvom tonu. Brzo se bacio pod tuš i krenuo u potragu za obližnjim pubom. Osjećao je sram i to iz više razloga. Prvenstveno zato što je većina njegovih prijatelja sad sa svojim partnericama i planiraju druženja s drugim parovima. Dio prijatelja je kod kuće sa ženom i djecom, ali manji broj njih, s obzirom na to da su ondje vjenčanja, ali i djeca, zadnjih par godina postali „nužno zlo“. Osjećao je Richard te noći i sram jer je hodajući ulicama morao dobro paziti da se ne spotakne i ne tetura jer su ga četiri pive na prazan stomak dobro udarile u glavu, a kao „šlag na tortu“ su stigle i cigarete. Još je puno razloga zašto se te večeri osjećao posramljeno. Već nekoliko tjedana izbjegava teretanu dok bližnjima laže da vježba kod kuće. Bućice i utege zamijenile su flaše piva ili nekog drugog alkohola, ovisno o tome kakva mu bude večer. Osjećao se posramljeno i jer je sam, iako ga drugi zovu, a više ne izlazi s ekipom jer se ne može pretvarati da je sve u redu. I tako je Richard te večeri pronašao pub u kojemu nikada ranije nije bio, a dok je već došao do njega, djelomično se otrijeznio. To mu je zasigurno pomoglo u razgovorima s Lauren koju je upoznao svega nekoliko minuta od sjedanja za šank. Ona, vitka, dugih ruku i nogu, skladnih grudi i stražnjice te oštre plave kose do ramena, svezane u niski, elegantni rep, brzo mu je prišla s desne strane i zamolila ga za upaljač. Richard joj je, pomalo bezvoljno i ne doživljavajući, ali pristojno, dao upaljač te se okrenuo nazad buljiti u svoju čašu dok je u pozadini svirala „You did something to me“. No, i Lauren je te večeri popušila mnoštvo cigareta pa se žicanje upaljača nastavilo kroz noć. Nakon druge eksirane krigle piva, tek što joj je dodao upaljač i krenuo glavom prema piću, naglo se trzne i odmjeri Lauren. Ona, već pijana i povišenog libida, isto tako i on, nije čekala ni sekunde, već mu se odmah pohotno nasmiješila. Ova 40-godišnja bogata odvjetnica, control freak, koja je godinama sama, žudi za seksom, ali i ulaskom u brak.

Vrlo površni razgovori obilježili su tu večer, koja je, pretpostavljate dobro, završila prljavim pijanim seksom. Zadovoljstvo je bilo obostrano pa su dogovorili i naredne sastanke koji su završavali pijano i seksom. Kad su se već uvukli u vezu, a sve pod pritiskom prijatelja i obitelji jedne i druge strane, spojevi su bili sve trjezniji, a s njima i seks sve običniji, pa i dosadniji. No tada je već bilo kasno. Njih oboje, na pragu 40, situirani, zgodni, uspješni, bogati, činili su se kao savršen par pa su i završili u vezi. No, savršenim parom vidjeli su se vrlo kratko i to isključivo zato što su ih drugi takvima vidjeli. Oboje emocionalno labilni, snažni tek prema vanjštini, dvije godine nakon prvog prljavog pijanog seksa su pred bračnim vratima za samo nekoliko sati. Control freaku Lauren to odgovara, sada napokon ima sve – uspješnu karijeru, novac i partnera koji se savršeno uklapa u njezino predstavljanje javnosti. A kako to inače biva, jedna strana voli manje i u ovom slučaju je to Richard. Da, on Lauren poštuje, drži do nje, ima s njom lijepe trenutke, no nikada nije osjećao ushit, polet, leptiriće u stomaku, kao što je to bilo s Karin. Užasavala ga je pomisao da bi uskoro mogao pristati na vječni život s partnericom na koju mu se ne diže ako ne razmišlja o nekim drugima, ili bivšoj. No, s druge strane, bio je suviše kukavica da bi išta po tom pitanju promijenio. Godine tugovanja učinile su svoje i on je, iako izvana procvjetala biljka, iznutra odavno zamrli cvijet.

A Karin? Ona je odavno zaboravila na Richarda. Prošle su tri godine od kako su ona i Richard prekinuli šestogodišnju vezu. Nikad ih nitko nije smatrao niti nazivao savršenim parom. Jednostavno su se nalazili u normalnim okruženjima koja od njih to nisu niti tražila niti očekivala. No ipak, ljubav je pukla i to iz više razloga. Karin je, frustrirana Richardovom nesalomljivom pa i prokletom željom za uspjehom na poslu gdje je često podmetao kolegama ne bili sebe uzdigao, svoju ljubav počela gasiti. Ona, koja je život posvetila pomoći drugima, najviše radeći na odjelu intenzivne njege, nakon izvjesnog vremena više nije mogla spavati kraj čovjeka koji je rušio druge da bi uzdigao sebe. S vremenom je sve više mana Karin primjećivala, upozoravajući Richarda na njih, no on, zaslijepljen idejom o uspjehu, do kojeg mu sada više nije stalo, tada ju nije mogao razumjeti. Nije razumio ni kakvu je ženu imao pored sebe – mirnu, staloženu, poštenu, vrijednu, odgovornu, toplu, punu razumijevanja i vrlo lijepu. Bila je vitka, ali izraženih oblina, blago kovrčaste svijetlo smeđe kose i okruglih zelenih očiju. Tek nakon što je otišla, kako to inače i biva, Richard je shvatio što je izgubio. Zvao ju je svaki dan, slao poruke, molio da mu se vrati. No, Karin je odbijala svaki kontakt s njim govoreći mu da je njihova ljubav gotova. Kasnije mu je u potpunosti prestala odgovarati na poruke i pozive, što ga je dotuklo. Promijenio se, prestao je juriti preko drugih do svojih ciljeva, a veza s Karin ga je obilježila. Nije si mogao oprostiti što je bio takav, a nije znao da je to njegovo ponašanje samo bio izgovor Karin ostavi. Naime, u šest godina veze, imala je tri ljubavnika paralelno, a u trenutku kada ga je ostavljala, bila je ljubavnica doktoru s odjela na kojemu je radila. Nakon njega je promijenila još nekoliko partnera. Uvijek diskretna i pristojna, a zapravo željna muškaraca i izrazito pohotna, zauvijek je uspjela Richardu slomiti srce i uvjeriti ga da plače za nečim što jako vrijedi, iako je istina bila potpuno drugačija.